I believe we all have a story to tell. If every picture tells a story; the story this picture might convey is, I am in a bathroom smiling... However, the truth behind this picture is a little more complicated than that.
The year was 2008 and I was working with Horizon Blue Cross Blue Shield of New Jersey. I was a Data processor in their Medicare Advantage department. I was the youngest black man in my department, which was cool because I had no problem being called "the baby" by some co-workers. Still, I hated that job so much. I would leave the job everyday crying. I remember crying on the phone with my mom because I had to deny so many of the seniors healthcare coverage. My mom would tell me to quit the job because she could tell I was depressed. "I would get so mad at her. "I can't quit, I have bills. I need money." I would always hang up on her. Just to call her back the next day and cry all over again.I was in a complicated relationship with Norman Lennox Sutherland. As much as I loved Norman, I wasn't happy with him. He was a very, angry and bitter drunk. He drank so much that I could never tell when he was sober. Actually, Norman had a habit of drinking every night. The only time he and I would have sex was after he would get drunk. This did a number on my self-esteem.I felt worthless with him; everything that I did when I was with him, was for him. I never really did anything for me.
One day, I had come down with the nastiest flu ever, but I could not afford to take time off of work. I have to work. T-mobile had taken over $300 out of my bank account to pay my bill. I didn't sign up for the automated draft, so I was pissed. I had just paid rent. and the draft had sent my account into overdraft. Bank of America had fun with this.
Sick, broke and hungry. I went to work, my co-workers begged me to go home. I just couldn't afford to. I had to stay. I went to the pharmacy downstairs in the Horizon building and got some Tylenol FLU AND COLD tablets and took two. I kept pressing on with my day. However, I felt weird. My breakfast didn't digest at all. The pills felt like they were still in my throat. I however, paid no attention to it.half way through the day, I took two Benadryls, because I had an allergic reaction to something I ate. Once again. The Benadryl did not work. Then suddenly, the day was coming to an end. it was almost four and I finally felt my breakfast digest... That obviously wasn't a good thing... If My breakfast was just digesting, then that means that the pills that I had taken earlier would soon follow. The two Benadryls and two Tylenol soon followed and sent my system into a chaotic panic.
I felt dizzy, and weak trying to make it home. All I could think of was going home to get this shit out of my system. When I got home I was practically passed out on the floor. When I finally came to, Norman had come in and found me in my own vomit gasping for air while still knocked out. I had pooped myself and I had the highest fever. My whole body was hot and it was sore. I was breaking out with open sores all over my face. Later, the doctor told me that it was the drugs trying to leave my body. I was scared that I was going to die. Norman put me in the shower, and washed me up as I ended up pooping and vomiting all over the bathroom floor. It was a wrap. I was a goner. Which is usually what people say when they attempt suicide and fail. I didn't want to die that day... The doctor told me that I was fine and to stay in bed. He wrote me a note and sent me on my way.
The nest day, I went to work and news about my overdose hit the department. I was weirdly embarrassed. my face was still covered with open sores. I decided to Cover it up with inches of make up. I got away from the crowd and hid in the bathroom and took this picture and posted it on MySpace (it was 2008). Underneath the picture I wrote "Still alive... thank god"
